All Time Low
by Evil-Muffin-ator
Summary: Lily's in a bit of an emotional dilemma, to put it lightly, and she asks James for advice... See how it goes! Kind of songfic to All Time Low by The Wanted, but, yeah...


**A/N: Okay, guys, this is the Lily/James songfic I promised you, and I'm sorry it took me so long. I'm not entirely happy with this one, but I can't work out how to fix it, so I decided to post it anyway. Let me know what you think, and I'll try and post some more oneshots soon xD Love you guys xxxx**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p><strong>Lily<strong>

She stared into the fire in the Common Room she shared with the Head Boy, remembering...

*Flashback*

_Dumbledore looked so sad and grave as he spoke, but his words fell on deaf ears. She just sat there, wide eyed and staring, barely registering her own movement as she left the Headmaster's office. She let her feet take her wherever they wanted to go, and apparently, they wanted to go to the large beech tree by the lake.  
><em>

_She remembered so many times here, not all of them good. The most prominent, and unfortunately the most painful, was the 'incident' after the Defence OWL. That memory then led her thoughts to Severus, to her home life, to her childhood, to her parents – 'No!' she scolded herself, she couldn't go there, not now, not so soon after...  
><em>

_She thought about the other boy in that scene. James Potter. He'd been an arrogant bully back then, but now... Now, he was definitely the kind of man she could see herself with. No! Don't go there, either! Her thoughts began to examine the differences between the two boys, James and Severus, or rather the differences in their links to her.  
><em>

_Severus had been her best friend before Hogwarts, and during part of it. He could take her back there, back to when she was young, and innocent, and _happy_. But did she want to go back? She'd learned a lot at Hogwarts, life lessons as well as academic ones.  
><em>

_James...James could take her forward, into the unknown, into adventure. Lily had always, _always_ loved adventure. She wasn't a Gryffindor for nothing. With a sigh, she unwillingly recalled what Dumbledore had told her, still praying, hoping it wasn't true, praying to anyone who would listen. But no one was there. She had to find some way to deal with this..._

*End flashback*

That wasn't even three weeks ago. In those weeks, she tried so many things. She'd tried hating everyone, even those who hadn't done anything. She hated her parents for dying, her sister for not supporting her, the Death Eaters for killing them, herself for not being there, not protecting them...

She showed this hate by being short-tempered, cruel and angry. Even her closest friends had been hexed by her, and the majority of the Slytherins had ended up in the hospital wing several times in just a few days, most often Severus – Snape, as she now forced herself to call him. She hated him more than any other student because he reminded her of her Muggle life and her Muggle parents.

Sirius had also got himself into tight spots with Lily, simply because of his careless mouth. And yet, there was one person, who was in the hospital wing more than either of them – yep, you guessed it – James Potter. She hated him because... well, he... She hated him on principle! At least, that's what she told herself.

After a few days of this universal hatred, she'd realised that she couldn't keep it up, it drained her too much. So, instead, she sought comfort in the worst possible place: a bottle of Firewhiskey. For five days straight, she drank herself to sleep and woke up next morning with a killer hangover, wishing all the pain would just _leave_! But still, she struggled on through her day.

However, a good talking to from Professor McGonagall had ended that pursuit. She couldn't find a way to counteract the pain, so she picked fights, trying to earn new pain to take her mind off it. But the long hours in the hospital wing gave her plenty of time to brood. And to not be speaking to her friends just made her mood worse. It was then that she decided she just couldn't be around people, and locked herself in her room and refused to leave for a solid week.

She didn't sleep and she barely ate – the only reason she did was because the house elves sent food to her room and refused to take it again until she'd eaten some. But of course, the isolation made everything, not just her mood, worse than ever.

None of her friends were speaking to her. She was behind on school work. She was so used to not sleeping that she found she couldn't. She couldn't manage much food either, and was decidedly pale and extremely thin, to the point where her clothes seemed to hang off her frail body.

At the end of that week, it finally struck her that her life would never be the same again. And neither would the others' who'd lost family to this war. They'd all done the same when it happened, she knew that everyone had seen through the smiles, herself included.

Lily wondered if anyone had seen through her smiles, the ones that she'd eventually worked so hard to put up. Probably. The portrait entrance opened and she turned away from the fire to see James walking in, face set. She knew why. They'd finally been getting along. And then _this_ happened and she'd treated him like dirt. But she had to fix it – or at least try to.

"James?" she asked softly, voice trembling slightly. He stopped, but did not look at her.

"Yes?" he replied tersely.

"How do I do this? How do I _live_ my life?" His expression softened immediately and he sat beside her, wrapping his strong arms around her. He was quiet for a moment, and Lily could tell he was thinking carefully on how to word his response.

"You let them go," he murmured softly. "You don't forget... but you let go."

"How, though?"

"I don't know," he answered. "It's different for everyone. But I'm always here, whether I need to be a human punchbag or a human tissue, I'm here," he joked feebly.

She couldn't laugh yet, but she appreciated his effort. "Thank you," she murmured, leaning into his warm, comforting embrace. "Can you listen?"

"I'm all ears," he whispered back. His breath washed over the back of her neck and sent a slight shiver down her spine.

"I just feel... broken. Like they were the glue, or Sticking Charm, in your case, that held all the pieces of me together, and it felt – it felt like it was permanent, you know? They were always there. And now they're just... not. Why did it have to happen now? I can't get any peace anymore, can I?"

"It's a war, Lily; the opponent thrives on any sort of crack in the defences."

"I know, but still! My parents didn't know anything about a war, they were completely innocent!" She viciously fought back tears, and won – for now. "I can't do it, James; I can't put the pieces back together!" And then the floodgates burst.

**James**

As he sat with her, letting her sob on his shoulder, rubbing her back soothingly, James remembered her last few weeks.

She'd gotten herself drunk several nights in a row. He'd come in late from seeing his friends in his old dorm and found her sprawled on the floor, bottle of Firewhiskey limp in her hand, glugging into the carpet. He cleaned up after her, put her to bed to sleep it off, left painkillers for her on her bedside table.

Then she'd stopped drinking, and started getting herself into fights. After that, she'd shut herself away for a week. He'd asked the house elves to deliver meals to her and make sure she ate something, and they'd been more than happy to help.

And then, as far as the rest of the school knew, she'd gone back to normal. He knew better, though. He knew something was wrong. But she wouldn't talk to him, and that hurt – they'd been getting so close before... He thought back to the argument they'd had while she was in her 'picking-fights' stage...

*Flashback*

"_James Potter!" He frowned, wondering what he could have done this time, and looked up from his Potions essay, which he was struggling with. It was the only subject he ever had trouble with, and normally, he'd ask Lily for help, seeing as she was a natural Potioneer. However, the mood she'd been in lately, he reckoned he was lucky to be alive._

As Lily stormed into the room, he sighed. "What did I do this time, Lily?" he asked wearily, slumping back in his chair.

"_What did you do? _What did you do_? What the hell do you _think_ you did?" she screeched furiously, her voice reaching a pitch that was genuinely painful._

"_Look, Lily, I'm sick of this! Either tell me what I did and get it out of your system or leave so I can carry on failing this effing Potions essay!"_

"_Why should I? It's my Common Room!"_

"_Yeah, well, it's mine too, for _working_ in, not throwing childish tantrums over nothing! Now, please, make up your bloody mind!"_

"_You're so selfish, James! Honestly, you're worse than all the Slytherins and Voldemort put together!" she yelled. "I hate you!" Then she stomped back up to her room. He still didn't know what he did, and her words echoed around his head..._

*End Flashback*

He couldn't forget these words, and they made him cringe every time he recalled them, which he tried not to do. He just wasn't able to find the strength to push them out of his mind. He'd flown, for hours and hours on end, trying to forget. Flying normally helped, at least – not this time.  
>He'd gotten out of Hogwarts at the weekend, asking permission to visit his sick, hospitalised mother – which he did, she was getting better, slowly – and gone for a 'drive' in a Muggle 'car'. He'd figured something different would take his mind off it, but nope. He'd almost crashed twice, and after the second time he decided it was probably safer to get off the road (plus he didn't want any points on his licence).<p>

He'd tried to convince himself that Lily wouldn't say anything like that, she was too sweet a person, even with the redhead temper. It didn't work as he was a bad liar anyway.

And once, even though he wouldn't admit it to anyone – not even Sirius – he'd broken down and just let the tears fall. Which, he admitted, was refreshing but not something he'd ever do as a regular occurrence.

But, even though she'd hurt him, he knew he'd still do anything for her. Still pondering, he looked down at her. When it came to his feelings for her, he knew there was no way to describe it except – love. He didn't know where to begin to label it any other way.

After a moment, she sensed his eyes on her and looked up, hers staring directly into his. Her beautiful emerald orbs, unfathomable and enigmatic, and he felt a sudden, almost overwhelming urge to kiss her. Something stopped him though, that little voice in the back of his head began to fight his heart: _Don't do it! She just lost her parents!_

"But she's so beautiful!"

_She's grieving! She doesn't need _you_ complicating things!_

"But her lips look so soft!"

_You kiss her, now, you sacrifice any and every chance you ever had with her._

"But she seems so sad…"

_Exactly. Let her grieve, and then let her make the move._

He honestly had no idea what he would have done had she not, at that precise moment, slid her arms around his waist and hugged him tight, laying her head on his shoulder. He could feel her breath on his neck.

She planted a kiss on his throat and got up. "Thanks, James," she said with a small sad smile. "Goodnight." And she disappeared upstairs to her room. He forced out the breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding and breathed a goodnight in reply, far too late, to an empty room.

He sighed heavily and turned to face the flickering flames of the fire.

**Lily**

She lay back on her bed, taking deep breaths. She knew he'd wanted to kiss her, she'd seen it in his eyes. He was fighting an internal battle. She was grateful that he'd held back, not because she didn't want him to kiss her – she was surprised to find that she did want him to – but because it showed her that he cared enough to fight himself.

That was worth more, she decided, any day. And with that thought, she made a spur of the moment decision, a split second choice and sprinted back downstairs, fiery hair flying behind her. James looked up in surprise as she entered. She pulled him up from the couch to standing, and smashed her lips against his fiercely.

He responded immediately, pulling her close and warm, gentle and reassuring. In his arms, she forgot everything else, she felt safe from the world. Eventually, she pulled away. He looked into her eyes, and she knew that he knew what she was going to say.

"Not yet," she murmured softly, "but soon."

"I'll hold you to that," he replied with a loving, understanding smile. She returned it shyly, pressing one last kiss against his lips and withdrew from his embrace.

Suddenly, she felt vulnerable.

"Sleep well, Lily." Those three words proved to her that one day, someday soon, she'd be okay. She'd be okay. And that night she fell asleep with a smile.

**James**

_Oh. Dear. Merlin._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I promise I will try and get more oneshots up really soon! I recently found some fictions I'd hidden away once completed and forgot about. I think one's just a drabble, and two others are short Lily/James fics. I might split them up into two or three chapters, I can't remember how long they are though. So yeah.**

Oh, and an update on that personal dilemma I mentioned in 'The Power Of Chocolate', I decided to go for Head Girl, and I'm gonna have an interview at some point. Hopefully, I'll get it, but with some of the other candidates I know are going up for it, it's unlikely. Wish me luck with that, peoples!

**Also, please review and tell me what I can do better, because although the ones I have got have been positive, which I really appreciate (! 3), I would like constructive criticism :) Thank you so much for all your support! Virtual cookies to everyone! xD**


End file.
